05.14.06
Reflections on Mother’s Day
Jason left for Austin today. I am sad, but I think I need this time to reflect.
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers out there. Jason was sweet to give me a nice card today with a nice message on it. I remember last year when someone suggested that this would be my first “real” Mother’s Day. I was upset because I personally think you’re a mother from the time you conceive a child. Just because you don’t actually take care of a child does not make you less of a mother.
I went crying to my Mom last year at the thought of not being considered a mother until I gave birth. I was glad that my own Mom knew what I meant, and I was glad to share Mother’s Day with her last year. In fact, my family made sure that I knew they thought of me as a mother carrying a child. It was a special time for me as I was carrying our baby boy. I wouldn’t find that out until a few weeks later, but I had a feeling I was having a boy.
I’m at the point in my life where I can shop for baby things and greeting cards for other people. I don’t think anyone will know what to write for us, so I really don’t expect any cards. I know someone will end up saying something stupid, so for those of you out there wondering what to do in this situation, it’s best to just tell us you’re thinking of us. None of the, “Oh, I’m so sorry” crap.
My sister, Rosanna was so sweet to call me overseas today to let me know that she was thinking of me. That made my day. That someone validated my place in the realm of motherhood. It was nice to not be forgotten. She didn’t make me feel sorry for myself or anything like that. She said it very tactfully without bringing up Christopher. I feel closer to Rosanna since our tragedy.
There are few people in my life who truly know what to say or how to make me feel better about life. Hopefully, you all know who you are.
In my opinion, since my baby boy Christopher is in Heaven, I don’t think that makes me less of a mother. I held him in my arms, and I knew what it felt like to be a Mom, if but for one moment in my life.
So, here’s to Christopher Gabriel Mendoza Cain – without your life, I would never have known what it was like to be a mother. I miss you more than anyone knows, and I hope you know how much we will always love you.
